“The changes and new situations that the adolescent must face and adapt to can cause emotional pain. If we do not understand these situations, we will not have good communication with our children. Adolescents question whether they will be accepted, who they are, who they want to be, who they want to be, they want to try new experiences because they are developing their identity and they are even questioning the meaning of life,” says Carmen Bravo de Rueda, a psychologist at our clinic, who provides us with some keys for dealing with this stage.

What difficult situations might our teenagers face?  

For example, bullying if they do not grow as much as their friends; the rejection of the person they fall in love with; the change in their physique, sometimes disproportionate; the eagerness to fit in with their peers, etc.

Where to start:

• It is important for parents to understand that their adolescent is in an intermediate phase: he/she is no longer a child, but neither is he/she an adult and should not be treated as such.
• Parents should make an effort to understand that this stage is transcendental for the child since he/she has endless doubts and can make many mistakes. Therefore, they need stable and close parents whom they can rely on without fear of criticism or punishment.

Recommendations for parents:

• Evaluate their attitude. Parents often oppose, even with punishments, when their children want to go out with friends or when they do not want to do housework. However, both attitudes will help them in their future life: to develop in society and reject circumstances they do not like, and not to be passive people.
• Be firm, but loving and assertive. Take into account your child’s feelings, and listen to him. You can try to convince him, negotiate, or make him see the consequences of his actions, but do not force him.
• Try to understand him. Get rid of the idea that he or she is acting out of caprice or rebellion. Adolescence is a complex stage in the life of any human being.
• Don’t be too strict. Don’t impose harsh punishments or inflexible limits, and don’t tease him or her. Remember that he or she is learning to develop skills and abilities in all social settings, and good self-esteem is key.
• Know how to be guided. Do not be very permissive parents or those who want to teach their children how life is. The ideal is to guide, support, and accompany them, letting them learn from their mistakes and correcting them whenever necessary.

Remember:

Take advantage of this summer to build a special connection with your children. With consistency and love, you can develop a special bond that will last a lifetime.

Carmen Bravo de Rueda
Psychologist at Clínica Ricardo Palma