February 03, 2023
Loneliness is very common when one is going through a divorce, since life together ends and the absence of the other is felt. However, over time one can realize that opportunities arise to build a new life.
In short, couple relationships are an interaction that changes over time and where individuals must constantly work together, in order to adapt to changes that generally bring with them a series of new challenges, which must always be overcome in favor of the emotional bond that unites them. However, although efforts are made to consolidate this growth, sometimes it can be exhausting and extremely frustrating to the point of causing a possible fracture in the couple’s dynamics, which can lead to a separation or divorce.
Without a doubt, we have reached a point in our society where divorces have become a social phenomenon as common and “normal” as marriages. Currently, there is a significant increase in separations, which respond to different reasons, such as wear and tear and lack of communication, falling out of love, infidelities, economic difficulties, discrepancies, a strong influence of political families, incompatible personalities, sexual orientation , addictions, domestic violence, among others.
How is life after divorce?
When we join our lives in marriage with another person, in reality there are no guarantees that assure us a “happily ever after”. However, when a process of separation of the couple begins – beyond the reasons for the divorce – it is natural that disappointment arises, since there were certain expectations and ideals linked to married life.
For her part, Antonella Galli, psychologist and psychotherapist at Clinica Ricardo Palma, told Bienestar of El Comercio that after the separation different feelings such as pain, anger, impotence, frustration, sadness, fear, anxiety and; above all, loneliness. Definitely, it is very different when one gets divorced and has children, who provide a kind of company; however, when the person has no one by their side, it is harder to cope with the situation.
She also indicated that when the person is aware of the absence of their partner and that all those common plans and goals are annulled, that is where one begins to experience loneliness. It is evident that one can feel that they have wasted time betting on a certain person and also feel that they have failed to achieve objectives such as: starting a family, creating a business, buying a house, etc.
It is usual that at the end of a divorce one experiences physiological changes such as: difficulty to fall asleep, concentration problems, being very tired during the day, being very sensitive, irritable, listless, with a tendency to isolate oneself from others or even ideas of disappear or make an attempt on his/her own life, Galli said.
How to deal with loneliness after a divorce?
First of all, the psychotherapist explained that it is important to understand that any change in life requires adaptation and acceptance time. Also, each person has their own grieving process. In some cases, in 6 months they can overcome the initial pain and be on their way to their new lifestyle.
Likewise, during this period of solitude it is essential for the person to learn to live without the other, since before marriage they were able to lead a life independent of the couple. For this reason, it is essential that we realize that divorce can also be an opportunity to restructure ourselves and set new individual goals. It is also an excellent time to self-reflect on what we have learned from the relationship, what my strengths and weaknesses were, and where I can improve. In the same way, the psychologist recommended that it is very good to have three S.O.S friends, who can offer their support in this recovery process.
It should be noted that loneliness is not bad either, since it allows us a space for reflection where we can learn to enjoy ourselves, to love ourselves and to truly enjoy our own company.
For example, if we focus on the case of the singers, Shakira and Miley Cyrus, with them we can understand what it is like to live after a divorce. For her part, Shakira, who recently separated from her partner, is just beginning her healing process, she is still processing the pain, expressing what she feels and venting through her songs . While Miley has been divorced for a while and has already mourned, now she writes songs about self-love, enjoying her time alone, the morals and lessons that her relationship provided her, thus achieving growth towards her new life.
Lastly, the specialist highlighted the importance of always having psychotherapeutic accompaniment during this process, especially for those people who do not have a support network. The psychologist becomes a key agent at this stage, since he/she is the person who listens, accompanies and provides strategies that allow us to connect with emotions, put irrational thoughts aside and focus on rational ones.
Breakups are painful, but natural. There are likely to be good days and bad days at the beginning. However, it is very important to look to the future with optimism and turn the page in a healthy way, since it is possible to overcome a loss of this type.
Dr. Antonella Galli
Psychologist at Clinica Ricardo Palma